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The Best Products in Amazon’s Sexual Wellness Section

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One day I happened to stumble upon a back massager in a local retail store and it was AMAZING. I literally could have sat there all day, feeling the slightly warm rollers massaging my lumbar region in various levels of pressure. I quickly checked the price on this magical product and it was $200+ – yikes! So, not for me, not today at least.

As I usually always do, as soon as I got a chance, I checked Amazon to see if there was a more cost-conscious alternative to my dream gift I would ultimately end up giving to myself. I nonchalantly typed “massager” into the search bar and O-M-G did Amazon deliver. I found out that Amazon has an entire “Sexual Wellness” section, aptly named and naughtier than expected.

I cautiously embarked on a journey into this discreet section of Amazon and throughout the journey, have selected a handful of the strangest products I came across. It was just too fun! As a single mom, I try not to be too self-sufficient in this area, or else I will have completely eradicated the need for a man (I’m trying not to go there but my 2 pitbulls, circular saw, and fingerprint scanning gun safe are proving otherwise). So, I’ve handpicked the top, craziest items for both solo and couple adventures. You’re welcome.

  1. 10 speeds Couples Vibrator, Rechargeable G spot Massager
    I think the picture illustrates its use very nicely. It’s $23 of pure bliss, according to the reviews (read for TMI). Purchase HERE 

 

2. Electronic Pulse Massage Wands

ok, ow. But I suppose you should always try new things at least once. Here is what it says for this product – “Blindfolded your lover’s eyes, slide the probe all over the body on the sensitive parts. How exciting! Creates a tingling feeling for the nipples, clitoris, vagina, G-spot, mouth or glans.” Get those glans going ladies, for only $12, purchase HERE

3. Perfect Fit Silaskin Ball Stretcher, Black

Y’all if you’re wondering what this is, you’re not alone. Apparently it is a male testicle stretcher and it has 4.3 out of 5 stars. I can’t even imagine why or how I would approach my partner about trying this but if they approach you with item #2 in this list, hit ’em with this one. You can purchase your bargaining tool, I mean, ball stretcher for $15, HERE

 

4. Chiseled Chad Male Love Doll

The hanging Chad, as they say. He’s a bit more expensive than the other items on this list but still way cheaper than an actual relationship. 55 brave people actually reviewed Chad, I got a chuckle out of the seemingly serious reviews. Check him out HERE

 

You guys, I had to stop there, my daughter was trying to look over my shoulder and, well, it gets a whole lot weirder. A LOT. And although I’m cool with you doing whatever keeps you happy & satisfied (as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody), I just couldn’t travel deeper down the rabbit hole on this one. If you frequent this adult section of Amazon or if you decide to go deeper, leave a comment below with your favorite item(s).

 

Lauren

Lauren is Co-founder and CMO of momsplained.com.  A single mom, marketing pro, and avid DIYer, she spends her days playing as much as she works and working as much as she dreams. “Omnia Feminae Aequissimae (women are equal to everything).” - Lady Hale

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What’s New?

Safety Recalls August 2019

30 August, 2019

Safety Recalls July 2019

31 July, 2019
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